Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Shahrad Milanfar on Confidence and Legal Advocacy | Coopers’ Code
KEY POINTS
- Confidence is built, not innate.
Milanfar admits he’s not a “natural” trial lawyer—he’s awkward and self-taught. Daily deliberate practice (depositions, speaking, reflection) is what develops courtroom confidence and persuasion skills. - Authenticity beats performance.
Early in his career he tried to fade into the background; later he learned that self-acceptance attracts respect. It’s far less exhausting to be genuine than to pretend confidence. - Imposter syndrome can be fuel.
Every high achiever feels self-doubt; the difference is how you use it. Milanfar reframes insecurity as motivation rather than paralysis—proof that humility and ambition can coexist. - Integrity and empathy are core to advocacy.
Whether on defense or plaintiff side, he insists on honest evaluations—even when clients don’t want to hear them. Transparency and empathy (seeing the human behind each case) produce better outcomes than ego-driven posturing. - Collaboration, not combat, wins long-term.
True professionalism means respectful disagreement, openness to settlement, and emotional discipline. The quiet, prepared lawyer is more powerful than the loud, aggressive one—and never lets opponents live rent-free in their head.
Transcript (formatted):
(00:00)
A lot of people say, “I want to be a trial lawyer,” and that’s a worthy goal.
The question is: outside of work, what are you doing to build your skills and craft?
I’m not a natural trial lawyer. I’m not a natural speaker. I’m awkward—and I embrace that. But I have to practice.
Every day, whether it’s at the office taking depositions or doing something else, I focus on what helps me improve my advocacy skills and become a better persuader—of juries and of people.
(00:45)
Howdy and welcome to the show. Coopers’ Code focuses on legal issues and notable practitioners, distilling wisdom so we all achieve the best results for our clients.
I’m Miles Cooper, and I’ve been looking forward to sharing this conversation with Shahrad Milanfar—a trial attorney and mediator who has leveraged defense and neutral experience to catapult himself and his plaintiff-side clients to record results.
We’ll talk about a record-setting eight-figure elder-abuse verdict, a tragic nursing-home case, and a wildfire.
Shahrad’s practice includes personal-injury, police-brutality, and wrongful-death cases. He also runs the Milanfar Law Firm with his spouse, who previously held a leadership role at a 900-lawyer firm.
Like many trial lawyers, Shahrad developed his trial skills as a district attorney before transitioning to civil work. His passion for trial work and technology led him to teach at the National Institute for Trial Advocacy, to develop a course on using iPads in trial, and to serve as an adjunct professor at Golden Gate University Law School.
So please sit back and enjoy this deep dive with the multi-talented trial lawyer, Shahrad Milanfar.
(01:49)
Miles: Welcome to the show, Shahrad.
Shahrad: Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.
Miles: I’d like to start with your background—where you grew up, and how that shaped your decisions.
Shahrad:
I was born in Tehran, Iran, and lived there during the Iranian Revolution and part of the Iran-Iraq war. My dad was a colonel in the Iranian Army. Eventually we left Iran in stages and came to the U.S.
That experience shaped my outlook—learning grit and adaptation by watching my parents rebuild their lives in Oakland.
(03:08)
That struggle directly influenced my decision to become a lawyer.
Growing up in Oakland, I was one of the few Iranian kids in school. I got beat up a few times. Once, I was called to testify in court. I didn’t take the stand, but the district attorney was incredibly protective of me, while the public defender wasn’t kind.
Leaving that courthouse, I thought, I want to be like that lawyer.
That moment sparked my interest in trial law.
(04:33)
I went to UC Santa Cruz for undergrad and then Golden Gate University Law School.
I wasn’t a great student—Golden Gate is considered a third-tier school—but my saving grace was my mentor, Bernie Siegel, a well-known criminal-defense lawyer.
I excelled in litigation and evidence, joined the mock-trial team, and that fueled me.
Initially, I wanted to be a prosecutor, but when I worked in a DA’s office, I saw the politics and racial bias—cases dropped for connected people while others were prosecuted.
That didn’t fit my moral compass.
(06:26)
I volunteered six months in a prosecutor’s office to gain courtroom backbone.
We practiced mock trials on Bryant Street, so I knew those courtrooms well. But ultimately, prosecution wasn’t my path.
I later joined a defense firm, worked extremely hard for a year, and realized it wasn’t the right fit. Then a public defender I’d met invited me to interview at another firm—and I stayed there for 19 years: Becker Cannon Schweitzer.
(08:19)
That firm handled special litigation—huge cases with 20 lawyers per deposition.
No one wanted to lead questioning, so I volunteered.
It was like batting practice: every deposition was a chance to refine my craft.
I’ve probably spent over 1,000 days taking depositions—standing up, practicing voice and pacing—because experience matters more than waiting for “the big case.”
Every deposition honed advocacy and persuasion.
(10:17)
Many want to be trial lawyers, but few practice outside work.
I’m not naturally confident; I’ve built skill through repetition.
Two ideas are key:
- Self-awareness — accepting awkwardness instead of hiding it.
- Constant improvement — every week, become slightly better.
(11:03)
Growing up, I preferred fading into the background. I’d walk into rooms and not introduce myself.
Later I realized that was self-imposed limitation.
The more comfortable I became in my own skin, the more curious people became about me.
It’s far less exhausting to be yourself than to fake confidence.
When we admire great trial lawyers, we see results, not the years of unseen effort—just like Olympians practicing at 4 a.m.
I know I’m not as good today as I will be next week. That mindset keeps me improving.
(13:25)
Miles: Many lawyers struggle with imposter syndrome or fear of people’s opinions. How did you overcome that?
Shahrad:
I don’t see it as overcoming—it’s constant.
Every high achiever has that voice of doubt; I use it as fuel instead of resistance.
I remember an event that changed me:
At my daughter’s school orientation, I sat silently, uncomfortable.
A tall man approached, looked me in the eye, and said, “Hi, I’m Marty Hawkins.”
That small act flipped a switch for me.
You don’t have to blend into the wall—you can introduce yourself confidently.
If someone doesn’t reciprocate, it’s about them, not you.
Once I let go of needing everyone’s approval, I started taking bigger risks.
(15:53)
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(16:31)
Back to defense work:
I handled major manufacturers and insurers. Many plaintiff firms got massive verdicts, but we stayed grounded.
Our approach was integrity—telling clients the truth even if it cost future work.
Integrity isn’t for sale.
Better to give honest case assessments than face a $30 million verdict later.
Strong defense means honest evaluation, even if the adjuster doesn’t want to hear it.
(18:44)
Some adjusters don’t see the human side; they’re trained to deny everything.
But I’d remind them: these plaintiffs aren’t lazy—they’re people learning to walk again.
If you push everything to trial, don’t complain about the results later.
(19:56)
In January 2020, I pivoted fully to plaintiff-side work.
(20:33)
Miles: What do plaintiff lawyers often get wrong that makes defense harder?
Shahrad: Transparency isn’t weakness.
Expose your neck—share information if your case is solid.
Hiding evidence delays resolution.
Defense lawyers report to adjusters; if you withhold key facts, you sabotage settlement.
Massive verdicts feel good for ego, but may not serve the client if the jury turns.
Resolve cases when it’s right for the client, not for bragging rights.
(22:39)
As defense counsel, I’d call plaintiff lawyers repeatedly to discuss settlement—and some never called back.
It puzzled me:
You have an ethical duty to respond, and it’s also how you get your client compensated.
Ignoring settlement talks doesn’t make the case more valuable.
(23:15)
Miles: You also became a mediator. Why?
Shahrad:
After buying a house, we discovered undisclosed flooding.
Our mediator treated me unfairly because I was a lawyer—implying I should’ve known better.
That experience drove me to study mediation. I took Steve Rosenberg’s course and began volunteering in community and guardianship disputes—sometimes resolving cases where neighbors threatened each other.
It taught me persuasion through empathy: helping others see new perspectives, not just my own.
I’ve since mediated over 113 cases, which made me a better trial lawyer and improved my relationships with opposing counsel.
(26:16)
Good communication matters. Words sound great from your mouth to your own ears—but can sound offensive to others. That insight helps me tailor persuasion for juries and opponents alike.
(26:52)
I often settle cases over the phone.
Lawyers confident in themselves can disagree respectfully.
I’m not afraid of trial, but I’m proactive about settlement.
Many see settlement as weakness—but it’s smart advocacy.
(28:07)
Older lawyers sometimes use aggression: “I’ll kick your ass in trial.”
That’s fine, but the quiet, prepared lawyer is the real threat.
Objections during depositions tell me I’m close to something important.
If you posture without purpose, you waste energy. Litigation isn’t personal—it’s advocacy.
Maintain professionalism; someday you’ll need a courtesy or extension from that same lawyer.
(31:12)
Never let opposing counsel live rent-free in your head.
If they upset you, they win twice.
Keep your peace and focus on the work.
(31:30)
Miles: Thank you for joining us.
Shahrad: Thanks for having me.
Miles: Email us at podcast@coopers.law with questions or feedback. Share and leave a five-star review.
To all of you doing justice out there—happy hunting.
🎵 [Music]